Pinoy Applicant Jokes

Here is the compilation of Pinoy Applicant Jokes. Enjoy reading




Sa isang job interview...

B0SS: Okay! Ano ba alam mo?

JUAN: Alam ko kung saan nakatira asawa mo at alam ko rin saan nakatira ang kabit mo.

B0SS: Tanggap kana hayop ka!










Seaman: Mag-aaply po sana ako.
Captain: Marunong ka bang lumangoy?
Seaman: Hindi po.
Captain: Edi hindi ka pwede!
Seaman: Bakit? Ang piloto marunong bang LUMIPAD? Shunga ka?

 










Prospective Employer to Applicant: " So why did you leave your previous job?"
Applicant: " The company relocated and they did not tell me where!"












Dahil first job interview ‘to ni Juan pinaghandaan niya ng husto, nag research at nag aral siya sa mga posibleng itatanong sa job interview.

MAM: Next applicant JUAN. Merong 50 na kahon sa eroplano. Kung nahulog ang 1, ilan ang matitira?

JUAN: Confident! Alam ko yan MAM, Madali lang yan, eh di 49!

MAM: Ngayon, sabihin mo sakin ang 3 steps kung paano mo mailalagay ang elepante sa ref?

JUAN: 1. Buksan ang ref 2. Ilagay ang elepante 3. Isara ang ref

MAM: 4 steps naman kung paano mo mailalagay ang usa sa ref?

JUAN: 1. Buksan ang ref 2.Alisin ang elepante 3.Ilagay ang usa 4.Isara ang ref

MAM: Ngayon, birthday ng leon. Andun lahat ng hayop maliban sa 1. Anu un at bkit ?

JUAN: Yung usa, dahil nasa loob siya ng ref.

MAM: Next question, paano makakatawid ang matandang babae sa ilog na puno ng buwaya?

JUAN: Tatawid lang siya kase wala naman yung mga buwaya. Andun sila sa birthday ng leon.

MAM: Pero namatay parin yung matanda. Sa anong dahilan?

Sa isip ni JUAN, ang dadali lang ng tanong nasagot ko lahat. Makakapagtrabaho na rin sa wakas! :))

JUAN: Marahil, nalunod? (Napa ngiti si Juan kay Mam)

MAM: MALI! Tinamaan siya nung kahon na nahulog mula  sa eroplano. tsk tsk tsk. Maaari ka ng umalis… Next applicant please!












Applicants
2 girls nag-aaply ng work. 1 matalino, 1 bobo
Matalino: Buti ka pa natanggap. Ano ba ginawa mo?
Bobo: Wala. Nung nag-fill up me ng form, nilagay ko
 lang, "sure!"












Bill Gates organized an enormous session to recruit a new Chairman for Microsoft Europe .

Exactly 5,000 candidates assembled in a large room. One candidate is MARIO DIMACULANGAN.

Bill Gates: Thank you for coming. Those who do not know JAVA may leave.
2,000 people leave the room.

MARIO says to himself, ’I do not know JAVA but I have nothing to lose if I stay. I’ll give it a try’

Bill Gates: Candidates who never had experience in managing more than 100 people may leave.
2,000 people leave the room.

Mario says to himself ’ I never managed anybody but myself, but I have nothing to lose if I stay.
What can happen to me?’ So he stays.

Bill Gates: Candidates who do not have management diplomas may leave.
500 people leave the room.

Mario says to himself, ’I left high school at 15 but what have I got to lose?’
So he stays in the room.

Lastly, Bill Gates asked the candidates who do not speak Serbo - Croat to leave.
498 people leave the room.

Mario says to himself, ’ I do not speak one word of Serbo - Croat but what do I have to lose?’
So he stays and finds himself with one other candidate. Everyone else has gone.

Bill Gates joined them and said ’Apparently you are the only two candidates who speak Serbo - Croat, so I’d now like to hear you have a
conversation together in that language.’

Calmly, Mario turns to the other candidate and says `Ano ba yan, dong, tayo na lang ang naiwan dito ?’

The other candidate answers ’Ewan ko ba, pare, bakit nga ba sila nagsilabas.? ???’













4 Job applicants were asked ‘What is the fastest thing in the world?’ during an interview.

 German says “Thought!”

 American says “Blink of an Eye!”

Aussie says “Light Switch!”

Pinoy says “Diarrhea!”

The interviewer told him to expound his answer.

Pinoy said “Lit mi eksplen. Dis murning, I hab istumak ek. I run to di tuylet but bipur I kud tenk, blenk, or eben swets on di layt, dir was igit in my pants olride. Su past!”













HR: Anung pangalan mo?

Juan: Juan Kampupot po.

HR: Ilang taon?

Juan: Desiotso po.

HR: May trabaho?

Juan: TRICYCLE Driver po.

HR: SINGLE?

Juan: May SIDECAR ho TRICYLE Driver nga eh, TANGA KA???

 










BOSS: Why should we hire you?

TIKYO: Mas mabuti po ang bagong tulad ko dahil wala pang sungay.

BOSS: English please.

TIKYO: Well, you see, uh, I'm brand new so I'm not yet horny!












THE BOSS ASKS: "Do you have any sales experience?"

THE PINOY SAYS: "Sir, I was a salesman back home in Manila."

Well, the boss liked the Pinoy chappie so he gave him the job. "You start tomorrow. I'll come down after we close and see how you did."

His first day on the job was rough but he got through it. After the store was locked up, the boss came down. "How many sales did you make today?"

PINOY BOY SAYS: "Sir, Just ONE sale."

THE BOSS SAYS: "Just one? No! No! No! You see here our sales people average 20 or 30 sales a day. If you want to keep this job, you'd better be doing better than just one sale. By the way, how much was the sale for?"

PINOY BOY SAYS: " $101 237. 64"

BOSS SAYS: "$101 237. 64? What the hell did you sell?"

PINOY BOY SAYS: "Sir, First I sell him small fishhook.
Then I sell him medium fishhook.
Then I sell him large fishhook.
Then I sold him new fishing rod and some fishing gear.

Then I ask him where he's going fishing and he said down on the coast, so I told him he'll be needing a boat, so we went down to the boating department and I sell him twin engine Chris Craft.
Then he said he didn't think his Honda Civic would pull it, so I took him down to our automotive department and sell him that 4X4 Blazer.
I then ask him where he'll be staying, and since he had no accommodation, I took him to camping department and sell him one of those new igloo 6 sleeper Camper Tents.
Then the guy said, while we're at it, I should throw in about $100 worth of groceries and two cases of beer."

THE BOSS SAID: "You're not serious? A guy came in hereto buy a fishhook and you sold him a boat, a 4X4 truck and a tent?"

PINOY BOY SAYS: "No Sir, actually he came in to buy Tylenol for his headache and I said:"

"Well, fishing is the best way to relax your mind!"











Studyante: boss mag-aaply po ako.

Manager: Magaaply ka? Eh bkit naka-trunks at shades ka? Anong position ba inaaplayan mo?

Studyante: Summer job po

laughinglaughing








Job interview

Employer: Isa sa hinahanap namin sa appplicant ay yung responsable
Applicant: Sir, responsable po ako
Employer: Talaga ?
Applicant: Oo, Sir. Dun sa dati kong trabaho, pag may di magandang nangyayari ay ako ang laging itinuturong responsable



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