Taray Lines



Back in college, I was walking along Mendiola when this manong came up to me out of nowhere and said: “Hi, beauty!” So I answered: “Hello, beast.”








 During a wedding, an aunt asked me: “Kelan ka susunod?”
I answered: “Tita naman, how would you feel kung magkita tayo sa burol and I asked you the same question?”









someone asked me, “anong gusto mong pasalubong?”
i said, " i want nothing but inner peace.. can you buy that?”








Girl to guy she doesn’t like:

 “Email me nalang at getlost@donttalktome.com”









While studying a difficult lesson in school, a classmate told his groupmate:

“I’m as confused as your sexuality!”









Sister ordered burger with no lettuce. Burger arrived with lettuce. When she got mad manager apologized and offered free side order.
Sister: “Ang gusto lang, tanggalin ang lettuce, hindi yung bigyan niyo ko ng kung anu-ano!”









Sa isang hallway sa office… Nakikipagkwentuhan ako sa isang friend..
Matabang Babae: Excuse me!!!! You’re blocking my way!!! (Pasigaw)
sagot ko…
Me: I think YOU are blocking your own way!!!







“Pag nakikita kita, parang gusto ko mag-sorry sa mga mata ko.”








 “Diba pag pangit ka dapat nice ka?”










During one outing with my officemates…
Boss: Huy wag ka mag-swimming sa malayo ha, malalim…
Friend: Oo nga ma’am e, baka lamunin ako ng dagat…
Me: Duh. Anu ka ba baka iluwa ka pa nga e.










 After waiting in line so long at the toilet, when I was next in line, a girl approached me and said:
“Miss, puwede sumingit? Naiihi na ko eh.”
I told her: “Eh ano ba sa palagay mo ang rason kung bakit kami lahat nakapila dito?”








Personal Trainer: Sige na ma’am mag-sign na po kayo para bumalik yung dati nyong katawan.
Ate ko: Bakit? Close ba tayo?








 Annoying classmate: “Guys, guys, saan kayo pupunta?” Kami: “Papalayo sa yo.”










I was an intern 3 years ago in a charity hospital about to circumcise a boy. The mom of the boy bought an ampule of local anesthesia but forgot to buy a syringe. The nurse told her: “Mommy, anong gagawin ko dito sa lidocaine, ibubudbod ko sa tit* ng anak mo?”










 When we gave coins to a kid beggar, he said: “Hello, ni value meal di ako makabili nito!”








Boy: “Para akong lalagnatin.”
Girl: “Eh di parang uminom ka ng gamot. Malay mo, parang gagaling ka.”









Boy: “Masarap?” Girl: “Bumili ka, para malaman mo.”








Girl sees a guy peeing against the wall: “Yuck, ang liit ng tit*, ang daming bulb*l!”
Guy: “Ano gusto mo, maliit ang bulb*l at madaming tit*?”










When the cashier at the grocery said: “Miss, puwedeng kendi nalang ang sukli ko sa yo?”
I told her: “Bakit, tsokolate ba ang binayad ko?”









Alam mo,walang ginawang panget ang Diyos eh.
Eh ikaw? Sure ka ba na DIYOS ang gumawa sayo??









Arvie – Sa isang turo-turo. Customer: “Miss, may langaw sa arroz caldo ko!”
Tindera: “Sa halagang limang piso, anong ine-expect mo, manok?”







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