Inday Englesera Jokes 2

Enjoy the Inday Englesera Jokes

Amo: Inday bumili ka nga ng mga isda, ay oo nga pala, inglesera ka na ngayon, would you please buy many fishes for this week’s meals?

Inday: Judging by your statement, I believe you meant a variety of fish. The term fishes though rarely used, connotes a plethora of different kinds of the said gilled aquatic creatures. But the most pressing question before I go to the wet market would be: what type of fish? Fillet or not? Frozen or fresh? (pauses) Ahh…given the meager budget afforded by this household’s quasi-peasant class taste, I assume I shall source the staple “galewng-gong“. Yes?

Amo: Eh kung mag-empake ka na kaya?! punyetahhh!

“What’s in the number 7? Why is it God’s perfect number? When in fact, 7 is an odd number!
Just think… There are 7days a week, 7 wonders of the world. Inthe Bible, you must forgive a person 70
X 7 times. Even the word FORGIVE has7 letters. The rainbow has 7 colors and the word RAINBOW has 7 letters. “Even the word PROMISE. Maybe Goddesigned it. For even the wordMYSTERY has 7 letters…
“And now, use Olay Total Effects to fight the 7 signs of skin aging!”
- nag-apply si Inday bilang endorser ng
Olay Total Effects

Isang gabi, sinabi ni Inday sa amo niya na may special dinner daw siyang
ipreprepare para sa kanila.
AMO: inday ano ang ulam natin?
Junior: oo nga, nagugutom na kami eh…
INDAY: Why sir, our appetizing supper for this starlit evening is “Fillet ala ElNiño” - an appetizing viand originated from th outskirts of the Philippine shores, sun dried up to its crispiest texture, served with a heaping bowl of fresh Tomato salad, sprinkled with the newly harvested sea salt from the
Philippine archipelago’s shores.
JR: (habang pinupunasan ang dugo sa
ilong) wow, inday tunog pa lang
nakakagutom na! pero ano ba yun??
Dinala na ni inday ang ulam sa
AMO: P*#@+!$* mo inday! TUYO lang
pala? Bwiset!

Isang araw may bisitang Korean sa
Korean: Anyong haseo, korean konsamida!
Translator: siya daw po ay isang Korean..
Amo: Aah ok pakuha Inday, paktimpla nga kami ng juice
Nagtimpla si Inday ng juice at bumalik sa kanyang amo…
Inday: Sir here’s your juice. (Iniabot din ang isa sa Korean) Hi, it’s my pleasure
to bestow you this juice..
Amo: O Inday wag mo na siyang inglesin, mukhang di nakakaintindi
Inday: Anyong haseo! Inday konsamida, oppa gum nobo yi gawa Philippines? Ah ampoko.. yabuseo.
Amo: p*** ka inday lahat na alam mo!

Love is a wildly misunderstood although highly desirable malfunction of the
heart that weakens the brain, causes the eyes to sparkle, cheeks to glow,
blood pressure to rise, and the lips to pucker!
- Sagot ni Inday sa katanungang
“Define Love” sa slambook ng kanyang
kaklase nung sya’y Grade 5 pa lamang.

“Please.. It is indeed reprehensible for us to have carnal knowledge. If you be
adamant to unlawfully intercalate your limb into my citadel of pleasure I would
be legally responsible to allege this juncture to your spouse.”
Sa Tagalog: “koya wag po.
magsusumbong ako kay atih." – INDAY

Minsan ay nagpasama ang amo ni Inday sa kanya para mag-grocery. Dahil
sa tindi ng trapik nung araw na yun, napilitan silang maghanap ng ibang
Pag-pasok sa kalye, ay bigla na lang may sumulpot na MMDA at pinahinto sila.
Amo: ***. Badtrip naman.
Inday: Great! (being sarcastic)
Lumapit si manong MMDA sa bintana ng amo ni Inday.
Manong MMDA: Sir, di niyo ba alam na one way po itong pinasukan niyo?
Amo: Kung alam ko ede sana di na ako dumaan dito.
Manong MMDA: Lisensya na lang po sir.
Dudukutin na sana ng amo ni Inday ang pitaka nya nang nalaman nyang naiwan
nya pala ito sa bahay. patay!
Amo: Ahh chief, ehh kasi ahh naiwan ko pala pitaka ko sa bahay. pasensya na po.
Manong MMDA: Naku sir, matinding violation po yan. Yung registration na
lang po. Inabot ng amo ang registration papers ng sasakyan kay manong MMDA.
Binasa ni manong at sumilip sa plaka
ng sasakyan. mukhang coding pa ata sila Inday.
Manong MMDA: Sir, mukhang nakalimutan niyo atang coding kayo ngayon.
Amo: Nyeta naman, kung minamalas nga naman talaga oo. Sir, baka ahmm, pwede natin gawan ng paraan.
Naiinip na si Inday sa kahihintay kaya’t
naisipan nyang kausapin na rin si manong.
Inday: Excuse us Mr. Officer but we really don’t have time to dily-daly out
here. We still have places to go and people to see so can you…
Amo: Pwede ba Inday, tumahimik ka na lang dyan. Hayaan mo na akong makipag-usap dito…
Sumilip si manong sa loob ng sasakyan
at nanlaki ang mga mata.
Manong MMDA: Is that you Inday? The most famous chambermaid in the
world? Bollocks! I can’t believe my luck! I’ve heard so much about you and I’m
quite such a fan. I even have you on my blogroll! Tell you what, if you could
just give me your autograph, I’d be happy to escort you guys to wherever
your destination is.
Pumayag si Inday at pinirmahan ang
likod ng ticketbook ni manong.
Amo: [dumugo ang ilong]
(grabe na talaga powers ni Inday)

Rizal: Inday, ang hindi marunong magmahal sa sariling wika, ay mas masahol at masangsang pa sa halimaw at malansang isda.

Inday: Thank you for your wonderful words of wisdom. But don’t you know that I’ve already read all your writings. And unfortunately, I was really disappointed because majority of your novels were written in Spanish and Latin. So, therefore, you are the ultimate violator of your own aphorism.

Rizal: Yabang mo! Halimaw!

Doña Anna: Inday, ba’t sinisipon si Junior?

Inday: He came in direct contact with surfaces contaminated with rhinoviruses which entered the cells of the lining of his nasopharynx which in turn rapidly multiplied. Thus, giving him a viral infectious disease of the upper respiratory system called acute viral nasopharyngitis.

Amo: What? Tumawag ka ng ambulansya! Bilis!

Inday: Hayy, you’re so ignorant. As if you have not been afflicted with the common cold in the course of your existence.

On Eye Care

“Did it ever occur to you that the ultraviolet rays of the idiot box can bring harmful radiation to the retinal area? It could lead to blurred vision, worse, permanent blindness?

- Inday’s words upon seeing that Junior was watching too close to the television.

Amo: Inday, bakit kulang ang sukli na ibinigay mo?

Inday: Hmmm… The person from the selling entity might have experienced memory deficiency due to the difficulty in concentrating and that lack of concentration lead to forgetfulness in giving the excess monetary equivalent due from the purchased item.

Amo: I think I’m gonna faint!

Sa Resto:

Waiter : Ano po order nila maam?

Amo: Ung fried chicken meal na lang. Ikaw inday,ano sayo?

Inday: I would like to partake of a dish of sautéed pork and chicken,boiled in thick essence of soy and cane extracts,with copious amount of garlic, onion and laurel,sprinkled generously with fine spices and served with generous helping of root crop and a helping of rice.

Amo: Iho, paorder daw ng adobo with rice

It is in mistakes that we learn how to grow to be better individuals.

Ypu may judge me for what you see but it is not my mistakes that determines who i am but it is what i do to make it right.

- sabi ni inday nung nakabasag sya ng pinggan

The oil normalizing series specifically desgined for my oily skin not only works physically on the skin surface, but penetrates deep into the skin layers to normalize oil secretion for a healthy and long lasting oil free skin.

-paliwanag ni inday habagng nagpapahid ng chin-chan-su

Consul: Why do you wanna go to the US?

Amo: To travel to visit friends and fly the airplane.

Consul: Denied!

Consul: And you?

Inday: For life is a never-ending pursuit of material and social satisfaction that I tender my great intent of actualizing a transpacific journey to the land of milk and honey. An affable sanctuary where dreams become reality and a perfect habitat where souls like mine can reach the pedestal of freedom.

Consul: Lifetime multiple entry VISA granted!

Amo: Whaaat!!!

Amo: so inday, tell me, how do you accept the fact that you are just a mere chaimbermaid in this extravagant mansion??

Inday:una camarera?eres tan pathetic. La unica razon que inscribi tu casa es porque nada esta sucediendo dentro de tu casa cuasi-agradable. Quisiera traer una poca clase en este hogar pero conjeturo que no puedo porque esta casa es fea.

Amo: what??!!(dumudugo na ilong)

Guess what? Those not-so stunning guys keeps on staring at my newly manicured nails while the copy-cat freaks envy my stylishly cut mane. Unfortunately after a great day at the spa, I have to step on this muddy and stinking place just to purchase some veggies!

- Si Inday, nakikipagchikahan sa tindera sa palengke.

– noong bata si Inday

Nanay: Day, ba’t ba ang tigas-tigas ng ulo mo?

Inday: Inay, intransigence is just normal for us juveniles.

Nanay: Day, anong nakain mo? I’m perturbed by your words.

Inday: Nay, ala namang gantihan…


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