Eskwelahan Pinoy Jokes
*a philosophy teacherchallenging a student on his faith in God...
TEACHER: to see is to believe, have you seen God?
STUDENT: no sir, i haven't
TEACHER: then there is no God
STUDENT: sir may I ask a question? have you seen your brain?
TEACHER: no!
STUDENT: my dear classmates, uwi na tayo, walang utak si sir!!...
*Matino street inside UP Village was renamed Santiago in honor of Senator Miriam Santiago.
In case you look for it, just ask for Santiago, ‘yung dating Matino!
*Mam: Jose, what is 3+1?
Jose: 4 po.
Mam: Korek, ikaw naman Toto, what is 1+3?
Toto: Pambihira, yan na nga ba sinasabi ko eh, pag mahirap na ang tanong, ako na lang lagi tinatawag!
*Titser:Ano ang Pambansang Hayop ng Pilipinas? Nagsisimula ito sa letrang "K"!
Boy:Kabayo?
Titser:Mali! Nagtatapos ito sa letrang "W"!
Boy:Kabayow?
Titser:Mali! May 2 sungay ito!
Boy:demonyong kabayow?
*Spanish teacher: Class use 'fuera' in a sentence.
Student: Mis maestras son bonitas (my teachers
are beautiful).
Teacher: Oh, that's very flattering but where's
'fuera'?
Student: Fuera ka!
*TITSER: who can make a sentence then translate it in tagalog?
PUPIL: my titser is beautiful, isn't she?
TITSER: very good, translate it in tagalog.
PUPIL: ang guro ko ay maganda, maganda nga ba?
*HRM at NURSING Student nag-uusap:
HRM:Penge nga alcohol!!
NURSE:La akong alcohol eh.. sori
HRM:Naturingan kang nursing student, la kang alcohol!
NURSE:Cge nga.pengeng kaldero at sandok!Now n!May dala kb?!
*MATH TEACHER: Ano ang pinagkaiba ng 69 sa 6.9?
NAUGHTY STUDENT: Ma'am pareho lang po sila ng position kaya lang mas kadiri ang 6.9 kasi may period!
*Teacher: Write a sentence ending with HAND.
Juan: My penis in ur hand!
Teacher slapped juan…
Juan: Sorry I forgot to put space between pen and is…
*Guro: Totoo bang hindi naninigarilyo, di umiinom. di nagsusugal at di nangchichicks ang papa mo?
Pupil: Opo!
Guro: Wow! Anong sikreto nya?
Pupil: walang pera
*GURO: Jun, ba’t lagi mong nilalawayan ang ulo mo tuwing may klase tayo?
JUN: Narinig ko po kasi, sabi ni ate sa boyfriend niya, basain ng laway ang ulo ‘pag ayaw pumasok.
*Teacher asks her pupils what they want to be in the future...
Kiko: I want to be a lawyer
Juan: I want to be a doctor
Nene: I want to be a mother
Pedro: I want to help Nene
*Mayabang si Arnold.
TEACHER: Ito na ang resulta ng exam nyo. Si Arnold lang nakakuha ng 97%.
ARNOLD: Ano ha?! Kaya nyo yon?! Wala pang aral yon! Sinasayang nyo lang tuition nyo! Umuwi na kayo mga bobo!!
TEACHER: The rest, nakakuha ng 100% !!
*ENGLISH TEACHER:
"The prefix "BI" is used to describe things that come in two's like BIcycle, BIfocal, and BInary.
Can you give me an example Juan?"
JUAN: (lunok)
"Ma'am.. B*YAG?"
*teacher asked johnny: if there were five birds on a fence and you shot one, how many were left?
johnny: none because others will fly away.
teacher: the answer is four but i like the way you think.
johnny: i have a question ma'am. if three women are eating ice cream; one is licking, one is biting and the other one is sucking, which one is married?
teacher answered nervously: well, the one sucking the cone.
johnny: no ma'am you're wrong. the one with the wedding ring on her finger is married, but i like the way you think.
teacher: ok class are lesson today is about planets. earth is the third planet from the sun. now whats next to the mercury?
pedro: parang 7 11 ata ma'am di q sure..!
Teacher: Class, my name is MS. PRUKE! With R! Ang makalimot pipingutin ko!
Kinabukasan.
Teacher: Pedro, what is my name?
Pedro: Alam ko yun, with R yun eh! Mam! MS. PREKPREK!
English Class (bawal mag-Tagalog)
Pedro: Ma'am, may I go out?
Teacher: Why?
Pedro: Because,
father, mother me!
Teacher: What?
Pedro: Tata, ina, ako!
One day in Sunday School,the teacher asked the kids what bodypart did they think should go to heaven first.
Little boy answered:Mam!I think the feet go to heaven first,cause I saw my mommy in bed one night with her feet in the air and she was yelling,"Oh God!I'm coming!I'm coming!!"
TEACHER: Anong similarity nina Jose Rizal, Andres Bonifacio, Ninoy Aquino and Apolinario Mabini?
PEDRO: Ma'am, pagkaka-alam ko po, silang lahat, pinanganak ng holiday?
TEACHER: Lahat tayo nagmula kay Adan at Eva
STUDENT: Mam, hindi po totoo yan. Sabi ng tatay ko, nagmula daw tayo sa unggoy!
TEACHER: iho, hindi natin pinag-uusapan dito pamilya mo!
TEACHER: What is the coldest freezer in the world?
STUDENT: Vagina ma'am
TEACHER: Ha! Why?
STUDENT: Kasi po, di pa nga pumapasok, ang tigas na
* MATH TEACHER: Ano ang pinagkaiba ng 69 sa 6.9?
NAUGHTY STUDENT: Ma'am pareho lang po sila ng position kaya lang mas kadiri ang 6.9 kasi may period!
*sa Math class..
Teacher: Juan, kung ako'y may 5 anak sa unang asawa, 10 naman sa pangalawa, at 3 sa pangatlo; meron akong?
Juan: Kalandian! Isa kang karengkeng Ma'am.
*a philosophy teacherchallenging a student on his faith in God...
TEACHER: to see is to believe, have you seen God?
STUDENT: no sir, i haven't
TEACHER: then there is no God
STUDENT: sir may I ask a question? have you seen your brain?
TEACHER: no!
STUDENT: my dear classmates, uwi na tayo, walang utak si sir!!...
*Matino street inside UP Village was renamed Santiago in honor of Senator Miriam Santiago.
In case you look for it, just ask for Santiago, ‘yung dating Matino!
*Mam: Jose, what is 3+1?
Jose: 4 po.
Mam: Korek, ikaw naman Toto, what is 1+3?
Toto: Pambihira, yan na nga ba sinasabi ko eh, pag mahirap na ang tanong, ako na lang lagi tinatawag!
*Titser:Ano ang Pambansang Hayop ng Pilipinas? Nagsisimula ito sa letrang "K"!
Boy:Kabayo?
Titser:Mali! Nagtatapos ito sa letrang "W"!
Boy:Kabayow?
Titser:Mali! May 2 sungay ito!
Boy:demonyong kabayow?
*Spanish teacher: Class use 'fuera' in a sentence.
Student: Mis maestras son bonitas (my teachers
are beautiful).
Teacher: Oh, that's very flattering but where's
'fuera'?
Student: Fuera ka!
*TITSER: who can make a sentence then translate it in tagalog?
PUPIL: my titser is beautiful, isn't she?
TITSER: very good, translate it in tagalog.
PUPIL: ang guro ko ay maganda, maganda nga ba?
*HRM at NURSING Student nag-uusap:
HRM:Penge nga alcohol!!
NURSE:La akong alcohol eh.. sori
HRM:Naturingan kang nursing student, la kang alcohol!
NURSE:Cge nga.pengeng kaldero at sandok!Now n!May dala kb?!
*MATH TEACHER: Ano ang pinagkaiba ng 69 sa 6.9?
NAUGHTY STUDENT: Ma'am pareho lang po sila ng position kaya lang mas kadiri ang 6.9 kasi may period!
*Teacher: Write a sentence ending with HAND.
Juan: My penis in ur hand!
Teacher slapped juan…
Juan: Sorry I forgot to put space between pen and is…
*Guro: Totoo bang hindi naninigarilyo, di umiinom. di nagsusugal at di nangchichicks ang papa mo?
Pupil: Opo!
Guro: Wow! Anong sikreto nya?
Pupil: walang pera
*GURO: Jun, ba’t lagi mong nilalawayan ang ulo mo tuwing may klase tayo?
JUN: Narinig ko po kasi, sabi ni ate sa boyfriend niya, basain ng laway ang ulo ‘pag ayaw pumasok.
*Teacher asks her pupils what they want to be in the future...
Kiko: I want to be a lawyer
Juan: I want to be a doctor
Nene: I want to be a mother
Pedro: I want to help Nene
*Mayabang si Arnold.
TEACHER: Ito na ang resulta ng exam nyo. Si Arnold lang nakakuha ng 97%.
ARNOLD: Ano ha?! Kaya nyo yon?! Wala pang aral yon! Sinasayang nyo lang tuition nyo! Umuwi na kayo mga bobo!!
TEACHER: The rest, nakakuha ng 100% !!
*ENGLISH TEACHER:
"The prefix "BI" is used to describe things that come in two's like BIcycle, BIfocal, and BInary.
Can you give me an example Juan?"
JUAN: (lunok)
"Ma'am.. B*YAG?"
*teacher asked johnny: if there were five birds on a fence and you shot one, how many were left?
johnny: none because others will fly away.
teacher: the answer is four but i like the way you think.
johnny: i have a question ma'am. if three women are eating ice cream; one is licking, one is biting and the other one is sucking, which one is married?
teacher answered nervously: well, the one sucking the cone.
johnny: no ma'am you're wrong. the one with the wedding ring on her finger is married, but i like the way you think.
teacher: ok class are lesson today is about planets. earth is the third planet from the sun. now whats next to the mercury?
pedro: parang 7 11 ata ma'am di q sure..!
Teacher: Class, my name is MS. PRUKE! With R! Ang makalimot pipingutin ko!
Kinabukasan.
Teacher: Pedro, what is my name?
Pedro: Alam ko yun, with R yun eh! Mam! MS. PREKPREK!
English Class (bawal mag-Tagalog)
Pedro: Ma'am, may I go out?
Teacher: Why?
Pedro: Because,
father, mother me!
Teacher: What?
Pedro: Tata, ina, ako!
One day in Sunday School,the teacher asked the kids what bodypart did they think should go to heaven first.
Little boy answered:Mam!I think the feet go to heaven first,cause I saw my mommy in bed one night with her feet in the air and she was yelling,"Oh God!I'm coming!I'm coming!!"
TEACHER: Anong similarity nina Jose Rizal, Andres Bonifacio, Ninoy Aquino and Apolinario Mabini?
PEDRO: Ma'am, pagkaka-alam ko po, silang lahat, pinanganak ng holiday?
TEACHER: Lahat tayo nagmula kay Adan at Eva
STUDENT: Mam, hindi po totoo yan. Sabi ng tatay ko, nagmula daw tayo sa unggoy!
TEACHER: iho, hindi natin pinag-uusapan dito pamilya mo!
TEACHER: What is the coldest freezer in the world?
STUDENT: Vagina ma'am
TEACHER: Ha! Why?
STUDENT: Kasi po, di pa nga pumapasok, ang tigas na
* MATH TEACHER: Ano ang pinagkaiba ng 69 sa 6.9?
NAUGHTY STUDENT: Ma'am pareho lang po sila ng position kaya lang mas kadiri ang 6.9 kasi may period!
*sa Math class..
Teacher: Juan, kung ako'y may 5 anak sa unang asawa, 10 naman sa pangalawa, at 3 sa pangatlo; meron akong?
Juan: Kalandian! Isa kang karengkeng Ma'am.
2 comments:
Ahhahah! ang kulit! Magamit nga ito!! Joke lang
Mabait akong estudyante!! heehehehe pero i really like your banat! Thanks sa mga post
puTang iNang banat yan..hanggang ngaun dq tumatawa pa aq..hahahha!!!