Erap Jokes

After finishing the main course at lunch meeting with Clinton.
Erap is asked if he would like another serving.

Erap replies politely: “No thank you. I’m fed up already.”


Erap taking a bath nang biglang lumindol. He ran outside the Beverly Hotel without his clothes on.

Guard: Mr. President! I think you forgot something…

Erap: Ay sh*t! Yung wristband ko!

Sa isang party. Sabi ng isang Ambassador to Erap,  “I haven’t met your wife. Where is she?”

Napadaan si First Lady Loi. Sabi ni Erap, “Oh, my wife just passed away.”


Driver to Erap: Sir, pweding pakitingin kung umiilaw yung parking light (as driver switches on the parking light)

Erap: OK, its ON! Gumagana.

Driver: Sir, yung headlights, umiilaw ba? (as driver switches on the headlights)

Erap: OK rin, its ON! Gumagana.

Driver: Sir yung signal light pakitingin? (as driver switches on the signal light)

Erap: Gumagana, ay ayaw, ay gumagana, ay ayaw, ay gumagana, ay ayaw…

One particular day many years ago, Erap’s wife was having labor pains. Erap panicked so he called their doctor.

Erap: Hello, doc. My wife is in labor!

Doc: Is she in a lot of pain?

Erap: Yes, doc!

Doc: Is this the first baby?

Erap: No, doc. This is Erap!

“What time does the library open?” Erap on the phone asked.

“Nine A.M. ” came the reply. “And what’s the idea of calling me at home in the middle of the night to ask a question like that?”

“Not until nine A.M.?” Erap asked in a disappointed voice.

“No, not till nine A.M.!” the librarian said. “Why do you want to get in before nine A.M.?”

“Ha, who said I wanted to get in?” Erap sighed sadly. “I want to get out!”

The Abu Sayyaf were looking for FVR, GMA and Erap, who all  hid inside a sack each.

The rebels kicked FVR’s sack, and FVR said:  “Arf! Arf!”

The rebels moved to GMA’s sack and kicked it, GMA said:  “Meow! Meow!”

The rebels moved to Erap’s sack and kicked it, and Erap  said: “Patatas! Patatas!”

FVR, Cory and Erap, are about to be executed in front of a firing squad. Each of them is blinfolded and given the chance to call upon the forces of nature to save them.

The executioner starts the countdown: “10, 9, 8,….”. FVR shouts, “Flood!”. In a sudden, a big wave came. FVR was able to escape because of the commotion.

It’s Cory’s turn. She shouts: “Earchquake!”. The people watching the execution panicked. She was able to escape.

Erap was wondering what calamity to call. The executioner started counting again: “10, 9, 8, 7….”. Erap had a mental block. “5, 4, 3, 2, 1…” Erap shouted: “Fire!”


Ramos: Erap, why do you cry while eating Chippy? And why do you shed your tears on the wrapper?

Erap: Because it says here on top "Tear here"

In a cabinet meeting ERAP (galit na galit) :

Sotto: Ok Mr. President, last Senator with reservation is the Lady Senator from Ilo-Ilo.
Erap: Ok the Dragon Lady Senator Pick-up Lines of Ilo-ilo and my friend Senator Miriam Defensor-Santiago is recognized.
Santiago: Thank You Mr. President, I don’t know if I can call that a compliment or an insult to my persona but nonetheless I will proceed. But before I ask the witness Mr. president, let me just ask you. Mr. President, plastic ka ba?
Erap: Hindi ah, hindi ako plastic. Anong pinagsasabi mong plastic. *Miriam interrupts*
Santiago: Oh my God Mr. President, that is a pick-up line, didn’t you get that.
Erap: Ah eh, sorry kala ko tinatawag mo ako na plastic eh.
Santiago: You are too defensive Mr. President, are you guilty? hahaha. Anyways again, I will repeat my question, Mr. President, Plastic ka ba?
Erap: Ok, sige; Plastic? Bakit?
Santiago: Kasi tinapon ka na, eh na-recycle ka pa. wahahahha

ERAP to MNLF : Sumuko na kayo!

MNLF: Di kami susuko pag di mo maispel ang CEASEFIRE.

ERAP : Tangina! Tuloy ang giyera.


Friend: Pareng Erap may regalo ako sa b-day mo phyton ang haba grabe 8 feet.
Erap: ako b niloloko mo hindi ako tanga no, alam kong walang paa ang ahas 8 feet k p
dyan. Tanga!

Erap & Gloria having a conversation:

Gloria: Salamat at nagkabati na tayo sa wakas
Erap: Oo nga, dahil dyan i-treat kita sa paborito kong restaurant
Gloria: Saan?, ano b paborito mong mga pagkain?
Erap: Hulaan mo nagsisimula s letter "C"
Gloria: Calamares?
Erap: No.
Gloria: Cakes? Calamansi?
Erap: Mali lahat.
Gloria: Sirit na nga!
Erap: Edi C-Foods (Seafoods)


Steward: Sir r u done?
Erap: No, i'm Erap
Steward: i mean r u finished sir?
Erap: No, i'm a Filipino
Steward: i mean r u through?
Erap: Wat do u think of me FALSE?


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